I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
