I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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