Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
sarcasm needs its own font
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize