now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
