I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
