A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Randomize
