I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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