u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The air taste purple.
Randomize