you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
