Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
