was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
