I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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