um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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