he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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