Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize