I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
