Banned from zoo.
Again?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
