I'm going to jail i love you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
