it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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