i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
