what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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