from now on my penis is your penis
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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