Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
