I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Randomize
