Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
