where am i from again
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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