my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
