We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
