So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We left an ass print on the piano.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
