happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
