Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
