Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
