well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
