he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
