Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
