I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
