Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
