I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
