Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
