1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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