I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
