Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
