It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
How does it feel to date your dad?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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