Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
