Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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