All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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