..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
