its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
