Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
