he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
