I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
