can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
