Jerry, you need to find god
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
