My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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