meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
