dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I've blown a few things in my day
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize