My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
