Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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