my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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