I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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