I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
