dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
