U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
