READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
