I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
