i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize