i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
