if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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