One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
