when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize