So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
