i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Houston, we have a blender
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
