I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
