trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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