that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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