porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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