drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
