Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
