I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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