perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
