I can't watch pbs sober anymore
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
