Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
