Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
