Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im six kinds of drunk right now
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
