i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
