I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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