I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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