Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
