College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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