I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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