im six kinds of drunk right now
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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