hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
