I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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