East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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