oh god the rape fog is back!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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