I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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