I love black thongs
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
