White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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