Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
