I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
