Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
