so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
