Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
