I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
