4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
