I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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