Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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