No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
