Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
