Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
birth control should be required to get into college
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize