Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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