Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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