yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
