I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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